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An every-so-often installment of ongoing sparkling thoughts.
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10/20/05 TwinkleGram from Charlene I Wedge I May, I Wedge I Might Dear TwinkleGrammers, Yesterday I gave myself a wedgie--twice. Don't ask Then again, if you've been on my list awhile (and welcome to all Newbie TwinkleGrammers) or heard me speak, you know me well enough to know I'm going to tell anyway. It all started when I got tired of thrashing through my handbag to find my ringing cell phone, so I decided to buy one of those plastic belt clip accessories (I'd lost the one that came with my phone) to clip on my jeans, you know, the way the guys wear them, or the way *smart* women use them to clip their phones to their HANDBAG straps or BRIEFCASE pockets, or their own belted pants. But since I don't wear a belt with my jeans I simply clipped the handy clip directly onto the waistband of my jeans above my right hip like a gunslinger preparing for a quick draw. Which was Step One in my Wedgie Incident. Step two: my phone started singing. Yes, singing. Once I realized how clever phone accessories could be ("Look! My phone is RIGHT HERE on my WAISTBAND!), a whole new world of Phone Accessory Lust opened to me. For the first time I downloaded a few rings/sings. Didn't I make that process sound E A S Y ? "I downloaded a few rings/sings." Right. Truth is, after many dinking around attempts (why read the instructions when you can just keep pushing buttons?) I figured out how to handily charge a "package" of sing/rings (SAVE! Why buy just one when you can BUY A PACKAGE OF THEM!) by using the "get it now" feature on my phone. Sadly, once I "got it now" (the package) , I didn't know where it went and accidentally paid for MORE rings (another package) before I found the first credits applied to my downloading account (yes, now I have an account) of sing/rings. Suddenly I had TEN rings/sings coming instead of five, which caused me to start sampling rings/sings I might never otherwise have thought to do. I STILL have a few credits since, well, I ran out of time to entertain myself and somewhat fretted I'd have TWENTY rings/sings coming before I was through, so I gave it a rest right after I downloaded the voice ring that says "Phone call for Ms. Wonderful!" (I am not making that up. Some days I need all the help I can get, plus I had TEN RINGS COMING!) Anyway, I matched my husband's cell phone number to the sing of "You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman." Clever, huh? It's that wonderful rendition I love to belt out when I hear it on the radio. I travel so much I thought it would be romantic. So, I clipped my cell phone loaded with new sings/rings onto the waistband of my jeans and we are now up to speed to circle back to Step two: "You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman" sings from my waistband. OH! How FUN! I fumbled around trying to find the clip that releases the phone but no luck. "COME ON!" I yell to myself, fumbling and fumbling, trying to get my nose to my navel so I can see what the heck I'm doing. (Like nose to navel could ever happen!) "It's going to go to voicemail before you answer it!" I yell to myself. (Let me just say that the gyrations I was going through did not make me look like a natural woman.) Finally I decided to just rip the whole clip off my waisteband so as not to miss the call; my sing was on its fifth round. HOWEVER, I'd also unknowingly clipped the clip over not only my jeans but my underwear too and the back of the U-shaped clip, which would normally be secured to a belt, caught on the elastic band to my underwear and ,,, Let me just say here that although my elastic wasteband has lots of give to it, it does not reach my ear from my waste. VOILA! Self-inflicted wedgie. AND, I missed the call. AND, you neither look nor feel like a natural woman when you are wearing a natural wedgie. Lesson learned, right? Of *course* not; I am me. I found ANOTHER way to give myself a wedgie when I stood up from the toilet seat, pulled up my underwear, then my jeans and ... caught the pincher to the top of the clip on the leg band of my underwear and VOILA! Self-inflicted wedgie number two But I am relentless in my pursuits: I am still wearing the belt clip on my jeans. I have figured out how to swivel the phone to a position that makes unclipping it easier. I have answered the ringing/singing phone with caution. I have gone to unclip my ringing/singing phone only to discover that after I'd last used it, I'd tossed it back into my handbag, or left it on the kitchen counter, or ... sigh. Here's what else I've learned (aside from how to give myself a wedgie): accessories can be cunning and dangerous. Enticing and cumbersome. How many of them do we Really Need? That is a serious question. But here's what I've once again affirmed about myself though: I adore accessories. Why I wouldn't trade my electronic pencil sharpener for anything. After my Wedgie Lesson, however, I now stand back when I use it. One can't be too careful, you know. Peace and grins until we chat again, PS I'm heading out tomorrow for my Final Four (think I don't watch sports?) tour stops for Dearest Dorothy, Who Would Have Ever Thought?! THANK YOU to everyone who came by to see me or who might still show up. (www.welcometopartonville.com/tour.html) Today I turned in #FIVE in the series, Dearest Dorothy, Merry EVERYTHING! which will release next fall. And since I never heard from my last drawing winner, I've held a new drawing this evening, this time for a set of all four books. And the winner is: Anne McNutt from Dunlap Illinois. Anne's been a subscriber since February of 2003. Way to be IN for the drawing, Anne! (All TwinkleGram subscribers are automatically entered for each drawing.) PSS If you think someone could use this moronic admission about a self inflicted wedgie, feel free to pass it along. If you received this because someone passed it along to you, you can sign up for your Very Own Subscription at www.twinklegram.com PSSS (subliminal message) Books make good Christmas gifts! To err is human. To err doing the same dumb thing twice is just dumb Web site: http://www.welcometopartonville.com TwinkleGram Archives 6/2/04 | 8/20/04 | 10/08/04 | 10/25/04 | 12/14/04 | 1/19/05 | 3/4/05 | 4/21/05 | 6/13/05 Don't forget to check in every once in a while to see what’s on Charlene’s mind. From the profound to the pathetic, she's happy to have her own non-edited corner in which to ramble on about whatever she'd like whenever the mood strikes her - which might be sooner or later! Or, subscribe to the TwinkleGram and have it delivered fresh to your email - just click the "Subscribe to the TwinkleGram" link at the top of this page. ©Notice: Materials on this page are © by Charlene Baumbich 2003-2005 |
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